Nothing but Love and Respect in the Abstract
because it feels safer to love and respect a self proclaimed feral creature from afar
because the word nonchalant is actually an unpaired word that means indifferent in French
because being indifferent and distant and dishonest is antithetical to friendship
because my definition of friendship is apparently different than yours
because for me friendship is a place of trust, a place one can go to, to feel safe
because for me friendship is about openess and honesty, but
because your words are full of mysterious puzzle-pieces that pinch and bite and
because when I playfully pinched you when you said it felt like a dream you pinched me back
because when you pinched me, clamping my skin, l realized I triggered you, were you pinched?
because my adrenal glands sent a signal for me to be still I didn’t ask
because your sentences are strange shape-shifters as you slowly ice me
because you're not so good at ghosting but excellent in icing
because it seems I am excellent in attracting emotionally unavailable men
because the things you say are formed by contrasting incongruent lines of logic
because the truth is obscured in dizzying concentric circles
because after casting the pennies on the path, the I'Ching so forewarned confusion
because your thank you was using your dirty sleeve to wipe my lips before the kiss goodbye
because it leads me to question one who asks, what do you will, instead of what do you desire
because even before winter came, Saturday get-togethers screeched to a freezing halt
because so did the texts, right before so-called cupping season
because so did the reasons, as you announced matter-of-factly that you hibernate
because unlike a bear, who sleeps, you send obscure writings that get lost in my junk mail
because if one's incomunicado, conversation-menus replacing table-of-contents make no sense
because instead of a bear, I think you're a rabbit who likes to pull disappearing acts
because of all the songs you've re-written, fake fake fakity fake is your greatest hit
because of your humor, as dry as a dried tear in the corner of my eye
because rapid change is everything these days
because of the lack of trust and lack of integrity in high supply
because desire naturally fades
because so did my desire to understand your speaking in riddles
because so did my desire to give the benefit of the doubt
because so did my desire to share intimate moments
because so did my desire to ignore the bullshit
because so did my desire to hide that I was hurt
because so did my desire to hide that I wept
because so did my desire to read your words
because so did my desire to ignore your sardine-breath
because truth be told I have no regrets
because truth be told better a fling than a fluke
because truth be told I am proud that I took a chance and believed
because truth be told I am proud that I took great leaps
because truth be told I still believe in love
because truth be told I love myself immensely
because truth be told I appreciate the lessons of your skewed honesty
because truth be told I forgive myself unconditionally
because truth be told I embrace the benefits of your absence
because truth be told I rejoice at your departure
because truth is I experienced life, said things I wouldn’t undo or redact
is why I got nothing but love and respect for you in the abstract.
wow - the first part is like a rolling incantation, it's all there in the repetition and the variation <3
ReplyDeletethank u lani! "rolling incantation" yes <3
DeleteI sat in a workshop led by a teaching artist friend (a poet and playwright) she had us write a question on the bottom of the page, it's usually about a choice you made, then you go to the top and write an anaphora with each line beginning w/ Because... I really like your analysis of it, your description "rolling incantation" so much better than calling it a rant. :)
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